Saturday, May 28, 2016

Almost June. WOW.

I just thought i'd give the old internerd blog an update. Doesn't it seem really quaint that I still even do this? For a long time I couldn't figure out how a person could make a site that was about ONE THING, and then proceed to just write all about that thing from different angles. It seemed silly & strange to me being from the per-zine school of tell all. Now I think, being open on the world wide web about personal thoughts seems very scary to me. Once upon a time, it seemed like an ok idea. i'm looking at you Livejournal. REALLY???

Even these days when I get the random per-zine in the mail, it embarrasses me on their behalf. Their anger, the rawness, all the emotion. I don't know why. It was never embarrassing for me, in fact it was cathartic. It bonded me to the people I received letters from who were touched by it.

I was too emotional. I was too open about THE SHIT.  AND I WAS ANGRY.

I find it a small miracle that in the last 5 years the peacefulness of my life washes over me.
It's not that things didn't keep happening, they did. I just stopped dwelling on them. I stopped writing about them.

At 33 I know, it is my choice in how I react to them.
I know I will overcome them.
And the biggest thing, I have control over it.
There was no other way to find the peace I have.

It takes time and practice and acceptance. Maybe that is something to write a per-zine about?