Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Well, hey there myself.

I was looking through some of the posts on here, and I was pretty impressed. I've been randomly writing snippets about my life for the whole internet to see on this thing for over 10 years. It seems so quaint. It is probably fair to say that I wont make it to "Person worth Archiving" status, and with the way that fame seems to go in these times, I think I prefer it that way. So this is the archive I am leaving, to anyone who seems to be interested for whatever reason.

I've been back in school, finishing my Bachelors at a "older age." I remember when I was at New College, 18 years old and there was a man who was probably in his 40s that was taking classes with us. New College had small classes, and this one took place in a small room around a small table, maybe 10 students. I knew everyone there except for him. I felt so awkward and embarrassed for him. I am seeing now, that this is a ridiculous thing I felt, and I wonder how many people feel it for me when I surprise them with my age. No one seems to believe that i'm older than 25, and that seems ok with me.

I was contemplating starting a blog or a youtube channel that is about this next step in my life, but maybe I will just actually try to update this thing instead, and will make some videos for my already existing channel. Youtube.com/sarahskysky

I am no longer obsessed with brass bands and the colors turquoise and red, though I still love those things. A lot changed when I got sick. Who knows if I even wrote about that on here. It's like I became more distilled. I couldn't spend a lot of time on other people's chaos. I couldn't let myself because then there was nothing left for me. And what little energy I had for me, I realized I wanted to spend helping horses. So I spent my time laying in bed and volunteering at horse rescues. It was in this distilled period, once I had cut out the chaos, that I realized that I had a good amount of time on my hands to use for things like research, study, and making youtube videos.

I disappeared because that is all I could do, and I felt that my friends just didn't understand youtube (which to me is just a better per-zine), and my research. It didn't matter. I researched my heart out, I wanted to know what was wrong with me at the root. And, I figured it out, I researched and tried everything until one day, something worked. I taught myself basic medical genetics, and spent a lot of time trying to learn more and eventually, I could get out of bed and wear pants. And I decided I wanted to be a doctor of some sort. I wanted to help other women with chronic pain of undetermined origin find the relief I found. At minimal, I wanted to be a health provider that would say, "I believe you."

No matter what I decided, there was something missing. I had never finished college. I started at UNCA in the spring of 2017, and its been full tilt since then. There have been a few, less than full semesters, because even in Asheville chaos sneaks in, but its been a relatively full last 2 years. I would be walking the stage this May, but again, chaos sneaks in, and it will be December 2019, however Its ok because after this I'm going to need a little break.

I'm going to spend a lot of time with my horses, and work to get my HCE hours for Physician Assistant school. This career strikes the balance that I am looking for. The ability to move across specialties, and to have skills that I can take wherever I go. I think that as I gain more knowledge in functional medicine, I will be able to find a home with a integrative practice that I respect. In this way, I think I will be able to build something where I can help women like me.

So, thats what I'm doing now. Hope you are well Internet.