O'Keeffe & finding my own Ghost Ranch

The final days of my New Orleans are here. After this it will only be other's images, other's stories, and none of my own. It is a great relief, because others seem to see it in a bit better light than I can muster. I have learned so many things living here for the last five years, but the largest one is my need to find my own ghost ranch.

Georgia O'Keefe said painting was like walking on a knife, that she would do it all again if she could, and that if you fall off at least she spent her time doing something that she liked. She lived in a place called Ghost Ranch near Abiquiu, New Mexico where she spent her life painting after her husband died.

She went there to seek the privacy and solitary time that she needed.

In the past few years I have realized just how at home I feel in the great expanses of empty western desert. How alive and expansive, if I only remember to lotion. And a lot of it is because of not being surrounded by people but being able to really have quiet, and dark.

I often say that I do not feel culturally American. That I wish I lived in Europe with its socialism and train systems. I have never lived in the entire life holding quiet of the American west and I have never lived in the hive of Europe. So in truth I don’t really know.

I can only guess, postulate and wonder until I do it.

That was the premise on which I came here. I wanted to “make a living” sewing. I really thought I would be able to work with friends, be a part of the “vibrant” or fringe art “scene” here. Unfortunately people who were better friends within that group (and less qualified) were asked to costume design for those productions while I worked for movies and lifeless smaller theater companies. Oops! C’est La Vie!

No matter what I tried, the jobs seemed to spiral down into more and more lifelessness and this thing I once loved, turned into something I loathed.

The lesson here, that I am trying to take away is that, if you cannot maintain artistic control you lose your sense of love for your art. I didn’t even know I was an artist until I watched the 7 up series on Netflix. Do yourself a favor, watch it. It’s incredible. I didn’t even know I did art until I watched a random group of people grow up without an importance on art.
I realized then that I have been surrounded by it my entire life and that I had became blind to it.

For Christmas I gifted Chris a set of 32 color paint set, and in the past week when I have felt particularly bad, I have pulled out the paints and been soothed by the process.

As I seek my next home and hopefully my own Ghost ranch I hope I will hold onto that knowledge of what soothes and helps when things seem sad and become slowly solvent.


Thankyou Georgia O’Keeffe.