A Long Silence.

It's been a long silence. It's July. The heat down here in New Orleans is a 24 hour sauna. I feel pure and clean again. Just to warn you I'm going to get really personal here. Getting back from Europe was a big deal. I had to move out of my ex's house when i "never really lived there" anyway, and i had to find a place where i could sew and make things, all while feeling really detached and unconnected. lost. adrift. sad. silent. What was there to show after a year and 9 months of some relationship? Nothing. I wanted to scream, i wanted to vomit. i wanted to hate myself for accepting so little. For letting myself get attached to someone and letting that attachment rule instead how i felt about the relationship. I spent months convincing myself that i had no time or energy to really love someone anyway, so why bother.

 I saw Europe, but as i sat there in Austria looking out over the mountains, I promised myself that i would continue to see the world. But i would see it with someone who wanted to experience it emotionally, tactically, full-spirited, raw and joyfully. Not the way i was, not with someone that made me question why i was even there. That my responses to the world would be seen as an asset and not as a hindrance. To feel the places you are in with all your senses.

In the last 7 months, i have been able to rekindle and nurture friendships that i missed. I have been spending my time on having fun instead of focusing on creating. The things i make have become more of a by product of the beauty in my life. It took a while to get here. But i found a good space, with lots of space. I have found kinship and adventure that feels whole and supportive instead of hollow and empty. That is the life i want. That is the life i am leading.