feeling attachment and creating it

I have been at Chris' mothers house outside of Princeton for a little less than a week. Today there is snow falling softly outside and chris, his mom and his aunt went for a walk in the woods. Im in bed with a sinus infection.

I've been reading northanger abbey (on the kindle that chris got me for christmas!) and i have to say, Jane Austen has taught me more about friendships and relationships than anything else ive ever come across. I think that is the thing i really love about fiction, not only is it a good story, but you learn something from the characters. You begin to see yourself in aspects of their selves.

In it Austen said something like, it is one thing to feel attachment and the other to actually have it. Meaning, one must make attachment not just feel it. I think this plays into my trying to understand what roles my community of friends plays in my life. Often times it makes me anxious, because i often feel that i have forgotten to do something or haven't fulfilled some untold necessity or when conflict arises (and it does because sometimes i am too blunt [more self blame there]) and i dont even realize.

Until Rookie published this article on the end of friendships that i finally understood that it wasn't just me.

In middle school i was sort of part of this group of friends, mostly because my best friend was in it. I had severe conflicts with one girl in the group and i didn't really like most of them except for one or two. I went to a different highschool than my best friend but we still talked a lot and stayed in touch and i would go hang out with her whenever i could. Her friends were wild and fun. When my home life started to completely disintegrate she was there for me.  I had this other friend that i made around 12 as well. We never went to the same school, but we did go to shows together and adventure together and she invited me out to her house a lot. Her family was awesome and so were all her friends. I felt really blessed to have these two people and they really helped me a lot. As highschool wore on i made a few more friends. One of which i ended up going to the same college.

I write this in trying to figure out what it was about clicks and friendships and families were good and what was bad.